Moving in Waves…

The furry present has been delivered!It has been an interesting couple of days… Over the past few days, I have come to the realization (painful) that my furry companion, Sebastian, of 13 years will be leaving my family in the near future.  It is heart breaking to say the least not only to lose him, but also to have to explain to a 4 year old (Joshua) that his "brother" has gotten his "invitation to heaven" and that he will be leaving us soon.  Or harder, an 11 month old who is just developing a relationship with his "wog?" Joshua said to me the other Sunday, "I'm sad… Daddy my eyes are shiny (his term for starting to cry)." when he thinks about life without Bash being around.  It will be harder when I actually have to let him know that he has to say "good bye" and Bash will not be coming back with me in the car…

Throughout the day, I keep running the range of emotions that one typically feels surrounding death… one minute I am fine, and the next I am heart broken with the possibility of impending loss.  At times like these, while you want to reach out and share information, I find myself holding back because, I do not want to keep reliving the tenderness and joy that he has brought me and my family and at the same time, I want those that I love to also know about what is happening with him so if they would like they can say goodbye in their own way.

He has touched the lives of many of my relatives and friends because of who he is and how he seems to know when people need to play or just sit and nuzzle.  After letting my parents know about what he is facing, I received the following email from my mom:

I haven’t been able to stop crying. So I can only hope you are better.

It’s hard to focus when your heart is breaking and you are trying to keep your child’s heart from breaking too. Neither of which you can do. You can only turn to God and place Bashie in His hands and He will tell you in your heart when to let him go. We have no control over life or death. Only God does. He’ll help you ,I promise.

Don’t do it too soon to keep the pain at bay. You will know when it’s time.

I fell apart with K.C. and it was worse.

Shaddy was so ill I knew when the time was right .Dr ulier said he was half way to heaven and he wasn’t afraid.   

I’ll say a prayer for Bash tonight. I always pray for all of you.

Feed him what ever he wants – he knows you love him . tell him I love him too. Shadow lived on a few pieces of steak, pork chops, hamburgers. Or whatever we ate that day.

God bless you

I’m here if you need me


Mothers always seem to know how to cut to the heart of what ever you are feeling and support you at the same time.  Because I feel the same way for what I am going through myself, and for my sons Joshua and Noah.

I know that it is not his time yet, but it is near, and I can't help to wish I could do anything to make him better… But for now I just keep thinking:

"Joshua, my eyes are shiny too…"

5 thoughts on “Moving in Waves…

  1. I’m so sorry that you are having to face this pain on two levels, both as a life companion/owner and as a father.
    My only offering to you at this time is one small piece of advice that I gleaned from working for a veterinarian throughout high school, standing in on many of those euthanasias…
    When the time comes, muster all of your courage and do what needs to be done, but above all, be there with Bash at the end. I saw many pet owners face this tough time, and the ones who were sure that they “couldn’t handle it” were always sorry later that they had no “closure.” It is very comforting to know that they last sound your pet hears is your voice telling him that you love him.
    Your kids are probably too young to do this with you. Our last dog slipped into a brain tumor-induced coma and we found her nearly lifeless. My husband and I slipped a sheet under her and lifted her into a box. My kids had already written “love notes” to her (which they had read aloud to her when she was well). They placed flowers from our garden in the box, and blew her kisses as I pulled out of the driveway. To this day, they talk about how that made them feel better.
    I stood by alone as the injection was given. I stroked her ruff and whispered to her in her ear. The scared look disappeared, and I knew that she had found peace.
    I wish strength and comfort to you and yours on this rocky road. It is a tough place to travel, but it’s a great opportunity to teach your children about never-ending love.

  2. I wanted to apologize for the delay in replying. Thank you for the comments and support. I love the suggestion about the letters. That is something that my family will be working on for Bash. About a year ago, we started talking about “getting an invitation to Heaven” in reference to Joshua’s great-grandmother, whom he is very attached to. She was going through a very rough time (88yrs old) and we were not sure what was going to happen… Fortunately all is going well for her right now.
    We have carried that thought of an invitation to Bash so Joshua at least has a framework to help him understand what is happening. But, it has been a heck of a week. The Emergency Animal Clinic off of Pinegree in Crystal Lake, IL has been and is amazing.
    Bash does have a tumor, but what was causing the lethargy, swelling, and oozing on his shoulder was a secondary infection. It has been 3 days now and after antibiotics he is doing much better. This Clinic is exclusively an Emergency Care facility, however, they had us come back today for a re-check (no charge) and with the infection more under control, Dr. Mocas (need to get the correct spelling) was able to get some tumor cells to send to the lab. Additionally, she feels that based on the results of the testing on the cells, that the mass seems to be pretty self contained so depending on aggressiveness, or what type of tumor we are looking at, she is pretty confident that we may be able to remove it. It also sounds like she is willing to do the surgery… not passing us off to my own vet… Believe it or not, I am more comfortable with that, and very relieved that my follow up visits have been there and not at my vet…
    My vet I have been with for the last 20+years, is over an hour away, and I don’t know if it is the distance so she is being so helpful, or the fact that she is just a great vet, but I am so relieved that finally someone is providing very specific advice, and opinions on the health and life expectancy possibilities for Sebastian. (That is unfortunately something that I have not felt with my current veterinary practice sin Dr. Uhler passed away about 5 years ago.)
    We should have the lab results back on Tuesday or Wednesday, and I will be following up with Dr. Mocas on Thursday to decide on a course of action for Bash. I will update here. Please keep us in your prayers.

  3. I’m so glad you have confidence in the people who are treating Sebastian. That makes everything OK, or at least as OK as it can be, hm? It’s good to find highly qualified professionals, but it’s better to find people who CARE. Both in one package is awesome!
    I hope that the prospect of good news turns out to be just that, and that you have many more wonderful seasons together. In the meantime, enjoy those mornings, walks, evenings, and burn them into your kids’ memories with pictures and verbalizations!
    My (now) teen hoarded all of the photos, leashes, collars, dog tags, ratty old toys of his lost pet into one box that I discovered accidentally one day. I’ve since made a (real) photo album for him, plus a virtual scrapbook page where I could add a couple of videos he didn’t recall her being in…. These are in his “most treasured items” box to this day. Do what you can to record the bits now. You’ll be glad you did later.
    Praying for all of you.

  4. Just checking in on you… How’s Bash these days? I’ve been thinking about your family. You have so much going on, with the excitement of T’s 3rd trimester, and J’s boots, and your incredibly demanding day-to-day issues @ SHS. Just wondered about the furry one in your life. Give him an extra pat from me tonight, OK?

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