It has been an interesting couple of days… Over the past few days, I have come to the realization (painful) that my furry companion, Sebastian, of 13 years will be leaving my family in the near future. It is heart breaking to say the least not only to lose him, but also to have to explain to a 4 year old (Joshua) that his "brother" has gotten his "invitation to heaven" and that he will be leaving us soon. Or harder, an 11 month old who is just developing a relationship with his "wog?" Joshua said to me the other Sunday, "I'm sad… Daddy my eyes are shiny (his term for starting to cry)." when he thinks about life without Bash being around. It will be harder when I actually have to let him know that he has to say "good bye" and Bash will not be coming back with me in the car…
Throughout the day, I keep running the range of emotions that one typically feels surrounding death… one minute I am fine, and the next I am heart broken with the possibility of impending loss. At times like these, while you want to reach out and share information, I find myself holding back because, I do not want to keep reliving the tenderness and joy that he has brought me and my family and at the same time, I want those that I love to also know about what is happening with him so if they would like they can say goodbye in their own way.
He has touched the lives of many of my relatives and friends because of who he is and how he seems to know when people need to play or just sit and nuzzle. After letting my parents know about what he is facing, I received the following email from my mom:
I haven’t been able to stop crying. So I can only hope you are better.
It’s hard to focus when your heart is breaking and you are trying to keep your child’s heart from breaking too. Neither of which you can do. You can only turn to God and place Bashie in His hands and He will tell you in your heart when to let him go. We have no control over life or death. Only God does. He’ll help you ,I promise.
Don’t do it too soon to keep the pain at bay. You will know when it’s time.
I fell apart with K.C. and it was worse.
Shaddy was so ill I knew when the time was right .Dr ulier said he was half way to heaven and he wasn’t afraid.
I’ll say a prayer for Bash tonight. I always pray for all of you.
Feed him what ever he wants – he knows you love him . tell him I love him too. Shadow lived on a few pieces of steak, pork chops, hamburgers. Or whatever we ate that day.
God bless you
I’m here if you need me
Mothers always seem to know how to cut to the heart of what ever you are feeling and support you at the same time. Because I feel the same way for what I am going through myself, and for my sons Joshua and Noah.
I know that it is not his time yet, but it is near, and I can't help to wish I could do anything to make him better… But for now I just keep thinking:
"Joshua, my eyes are shiny too…"